Alli or Axis of Evil: And other Drugs

Weight loss is not easy. SO, instead of working hard and earning it, we've created a shortcut- Drugs. I've tried several drugs that claim to make weight loss easier or faster for one reason or another. There is good news and bad news. The good news- some of them work. The bad news- some of them don't and the ones that do sometimes have uncomfortable side effects.

The ones that don't work : Anything you can buy at a “vitamin” store.  I've tried OxyElite, SlimQuick, and others that I can't remember off hand. They don't work. Sadly I didn't even get the placebo effect. No extra energy, no appetite suppression, just broken promises and shattered dreams.

The ones that do work:

Alli - Alli works, the scary part, you can see it working.  Stay with me here... The way Alli works is it blocks excess fats from being absorbed, then that unabsorbed liquid fat (read oil) is excreted from the body during your bathroom visits.

I bought Alli before I'd heard harrowing tales of the "side effects." If you’re not having side effects it’s not working so I opt that we call these “effects.”  Now, these effects are tolerable if you work from home, live alone and keep your outings within a 10 minute radius of a pre-approved, sound-proof, private bathroom at all times. BUT for those of us who work, shop and lounge in public places where our bathroom expulsions may be overheard, Alli is a gamble.

Phentermine - Phentermine is a prescription weight loss drug (wiki it if you need to). And it’s wonderful.  Sadly, It's difficult to find a doctor to prescribe this for you, because from what I understand, my best friend Phentermine is a low dose of crack or something. It suppresses appetite and side effects are increased energy, happiness and cotton-mouth. Pretty flipping awesome from my personal experience.  Previously, I was able to find a doctor (God bless her) that was willing to try it short term to jump start my weight loss.  I ended up losing a little less than 30lbs in 3 months, but then the magic candy pills were gone the “healthy habits” I’d developed slowly fell away also as my life became busier.  Many doctors will not prescribe Phentermine if your BMI isn't above, like, 400.  (Someone should probably explain BMI to me.)   They also will not prescribe it if you cry, rock yourself in the fetal position, and talk about invisible bugs during your appointment.  What I’m saying here is, it's hard to get.  But if you can find a doctor or reliable Mexican drug dealer to sell it to you, try it.  But don’t trust this guy.  Don't think I've forgotten you Horatio, you owe me $50.

Chew on that.