I’ve been a bad, bad girl.

My menu from last week reads like culinary erotica.  I defiled my temple and it was delightful, but for your sake I’ll spare you the fried, torrid details and just give you the screen cap from my Lose It! App instead.  At some point I stopped recording my caloric intake accurately and just marked each day as a loss

Yes, it does say 4,122 calories over budget

Needless to say, I enjoyed myself thoroughly.  I wasn’t terribly stressed out about it, after all, what’s one week when you’re changing your entire lifestyle? (Insert eye roll here.)  I knew I wouldn’t lose any weight that week and I’m good with that.  However…

I feel as though I owe some atonement for my dietary detour.  So, I have decided to pay penance by reciting a “Hail Richard” for every bad snacking decision I made and a “Our Fonda” for every fried food I ate.

Hail Richard Simmons, full of sass, our hope is with thee.

Blessed art thou among spandex manufacturers and blessed is the fruit of your ankle socks.

Awesome Richard, beacon of aerobics, pray for us weak gluttons, now and in our hours of temptation.

Our Fonda, who art in Hollywood

Motivational be your story.  Thy ballet failed, thy aerobics prevailed, on video as it is on DVD

Give us this day our daily workout and forgive us our cheeseburgers as we forgive you your brash Vietnam agenda.

Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from fast food.

For thine is the Lean Routine and leg warmers forever and ever. Amen.

On a related note, do you suppose they make candy rosaries?

Now, please excuse me, I have to go get Sweating to the Oldies and pretend to be totally psyched for a week of spinach salads even though we all know it’s a dirty, dirty lie.

 Feel the burn.