You're Better Than Me.

"You’re making us all look bad” – one of my co-workers circa 2009 said this at the pinnacle of my first bout with weight loss.  It was the ultimate guilt trip and brings me to one more thing I hate about dieting: when people know that I’m trying to lose weight, I think that they think, that I think I’m better than them. (My apologies for that sentence.)

Of course I don’t think that I’m better than anyone else!  I mean, I’m trying to be, but that’s kinda what it’s all about.  There are so many things that you’re better than me at doing.  When I think about it, it starts to get a little embarrassing…

• Math, I’m terrible at math.  Example: 3500 calories = 1lb, so then if I cut 500 calories from my diet a day I should lose no less than 12lbs per week. That’s right, right?
• Not ordering potatoes with every meal I eat.  I would have a sweet make out sesh with any potato farmer that let me raid his cellar.

  

  This guy knows what I'm talkin' bout.  Mmm-Hmm.

• Cooking: Prior to this adventure, my idea of a “homemade” meal was a Totino’s Party Pizza with extra toppings from my fridge and ranch dressing.  (450° for 11-14 minutes will always be imprinted on my mind)

• Running like a normal human being: I went out for track in middle school where they told me I have a very “unique gait.” There were attempts to fix my form but they decided that if the pointing and laughing didn’t correct it they would just assign me to the long jump where the running was kept to a minimum… But I digress, the critique totally psyched me out, so now I run like an idiot on purpose so then people think I’m just being a jokester and not mentally deficient.

This girl will probably be bullied into the long jump too.

• Getting in the shower after someone else has recently showered.  I’m super creeped out by droplets on the walls of the shower.  This is why I live alone.  It makes me feel dirty and uncomfortable, which is opposite of how showering makes normal people feel.

Gross.

So in conclusion, I’m not better than anyone (so please don’t make me feel guilty for trying) and I’m working on the shower thing.

 Cheers.